Monday, January 25, 2016
Sibling Fighting - I'M CLUELESS
So after being stuck in the house all weekend, due to snow, with my 3 daughters, this blog subject popped into my head, and I felt I needed to spew it.
When it comes to my kids fighting, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I have other parents all the time tell me to try this or that; but I have learned that not all kids temperaments are the same. What might work for your best friends kids, may not work for yours. I feel like my husband and I have tried all kinds of methods and have honestly, threw up our hands.
We have three girls, ages 9 and 12. Problem one, the 12 yr old is very "emotional" right now. However, I don't like to use that as an excuse because she's been like this for about 3 yrs now. She snaps at everything her sisters do. She is verbally mean to them, along with physically. Now I am not saying he punches them and really hurts them, but she can't walk by then without pushing them like they are in HER way. She takes her frustration out on them all the time. I feel bad for the twins...
Problem #2, I see the twins instigate her a lot. They will often take her things to get back at her for something she did to them hours ago. Or, if they know she wants to be left alone, they will keep opening her bedroom door and running away.
I realize that more times then not, I am disciplining an action I did not actualy witness. And its always being blamed on one person more then the others. So I told them all one day , next time she bothers you, don't try to take care of it yourself, come and tell me. That way, she will get yelled at more then you.
Now I was wording it hoping the would think "Wow, I can get her in trouble all the time now." In my head, I am thinking, "Now I can see who is really at fault most of the time."
Well that's not working either, because now they tattle tale on each other for every stupid little thing. Things I could care less about. And if I yell at them to stop tattle tailing, they tell me that I am sending mixed messages. YES, my kid call me out on these things. But I am glad. We can get so wrapped up in life, that we often need our faults brought to our attention because our faults are not always happening on purpose.
Anyway.......when it comes to physical fighting......another time when my kids call me out on mixed messages. I try to do the whole "be the bigger person and not hit back." And then there are times where one will haul off on the other in a bitch move, and I just sit back and watch them fight, because child A kinda deserved it.
I tell people all the time that I was NOT prepared for this. (being an only child). My older half sisters and my husband all tell me they would fight with their siblings worse them our kids do. But I still don't think that its OK.
My whole point of this post, isn't to tell you the best method of stopping sibling fighting. It's to report that I have NO CLUE about what to do about it. And I know I can't be the only one out there, so its also to let all you other parents out there know that you are not alone.
I just hope that someday my children will realize, just as I am always preaching to them, that there are some battles in life that are just not worth it, because in the end, if you keep fighting, you might lose something you love. My hope is that my 3 daughters grow up to be the best of friends.