Thursday, July 7, 2016

Supporting my husband with MS ... or enabling him?

With my new job, has come some new changes in our family dynamic. I am home less and my husband is home more. However, I feel as though I am doing more then I did before. And it might just be that I am doing the same amount of chores, just in a smaller amount of time. And this frustration leads me to look at my husband and what HE is doing, while he is home all day.

First off, I want to precede with advising you all I am not blaming him or complaining. I would like to simply educate others in my same boat, and others with a diagnosis of MS....the family supporters you live with and care takers. Its a whole new life change for them as well. 

Below I will just show you how MY thought process goes, on a dialy basis. Its a mental and emotional things for us as well.

"I work all day, the kids are NOT in school, but he can sit there and not lift a finger all day?  Maybe he is having a bad day. I will just shut up, get the kids to help, and get this done myself so he doesn't have to think I am upset about it. Its not his fault."

The next day...

"I work all day, the kids are NOT in school, but he can sit there and not lift a finger all day? I let it go yesterday so he could relax. He hasn't gone out in the heat or exerted himself. WHAT is he doing all day? I don't fully understand, so I'll just  get this done myself so he doesn't have to think I am upset about it. Its not his fault."

Day 3...

" "I work all day, the kids are NOT in school, but he can sit there and not lift a finger all day? I let it go yesterday for a 2nd time. By now I am SURE he can muster up the energy to get SOMETHING done. A load of dishes can't possibly wear you out THAT bad. WTF?!?!  Why should I have to do it ALL?"

A little under my breath complaining, and then he gets up like he knows he is wrong and helps a little until I calm down....

"He obviously can tell its not fair to me that he can't help as much anymore. Is it fair to me to get mad? How do I know he isn't just milking this to get days of doing nothing? I can't do that even when I am sick.  I know I should just shut up and assume he is not having a good day every day, and eventually I will get used to I'm a single mom. But if I just do everything for him, is that enableing him? Shouldn't I make him keep himself mobile and force him to learn new tricks at how to live with MS?"

After a small converstaion of letting him know that I think he is getting worse and he says he feels better? WHAT????  He admits that its the depression and he's going to try to force himself out of it.

"Here we go, I don't understand the physical aspect of depression. I know that he has a reason to be depressed. He needs his meds, although he thinks he doesn't. Do I know better than him in this case, as I have to live with the outcome of his moods?  Is it fair for me to judge him? Its not his fault. But I can't just let him mope around and not do anything. That will make his depression worse and will make his physical capabilities worse, which will make the MS worse."

As a caregiver or loved one living with someone with Multiple Sclerosis, its a constant battle for us too. We want to help, but also don't want the person to feel as though they are useless.
Its a constant fine line of learning what we need to push them on, and when we need to back off.

Please, talk to your spouse, loved one, or caregiver. Let them know how you feel, what you need from them, how they can help you. Don't forget that its a learning process for you BOTH.

Monday, July 4, 2016

Updates & new things happening

Hey all!!!

First off I wanna say Happy 4th of July!!! I know you might be wondering why I am blogging on a holiday? Well, we celebrated the last 2 days, so we are kinda of taking today off. Just gonna do the fireworks thing...if the rain hold out.

But I also had time to finally update you all. The Etsy shop has added a new item. I have added a few new social media outlets. And, yes I have been absent, but that's mostly because I got a new job, and the hubby hasn't been pretty good, so I've been doing a lot of house stuff as soon as I get done work.

New item in the Etsy shop are ribbon hair ties.  They can be customized, for orders of at least 2 or more. Ones that are posted, are ready for immediate sale/shipping. My daughters love wearing bows in their hair so..I thought, why not? I have done some hair bow holders int he past, and plan to do a few more in the upcoming months as well. Again, they will be able to be customized as well.

Along with the ribbons, we are now doing canvas art again. Below are a couple of canvas pieces we've done. The fish one, is for immediate sale. Again, customized requests are welcomed.

Along with new shop items, there is currently a Christmas in July sale going on my FB page and Etsy shop. I really need to get rid of some of my Christmas stock, to make room for this upcoming Fall/Winter season.
To help promote the shop and anything else that pops up I have also joined the Twitter world!! And I have finally joined Snapchat as well. the snapchat thing I am using as a daily vlog type outlet. I would like to start vlogging someday, but feel a little nervous. So thought I'd try it on Snapchat first to see what response I get.
I really hope you decide to join me in my journey. All links for all social media are below. Thank you for stopping by!

Facebook craft page -
Etsy Shop --
Google+ --
Instagram,Twitter & Snapchat ---  @hjsmoons