Monday, February 23, 2015

Pre-teen Girls -- Oh the Joy!



As a mom of 3 daughters, 8yr old twins and an 11 yr old, I feel like I am in a constant battle, that i will never win. Every day is a new day, and I hope for the best, and then the SOS smacks me in the face.

Having all girls at this age, is more of a challenge then I ever expected it would be. I want to be there for them and help them through their feelings, and answer any questions they may have. But reality is not like a "Girl Meets World" episode. We don't have issues and resolve them and hug by the end of the day knowing that we have learned a valuable lesson.  Ppfftt.

This is REAL life. Reality.

My 11 yr old, wants to start acting older. Wants to show that she can be more mature and trusted, etc. By doing this, she bosses her little sisters around. Who now, have voices of their own at 8 years old. (the age at which I swear the hormones start to peek through)  With everything else, its all about her.

We need to go run an errand - she cries that she wants to stay home all day.
I state that I want to stay in one day to get housework done and relax - she complains she is bored and is trapped in the house.

I ask her to take a quick shower because other people need to get in. She argues for 10 minutes about how she wants to take a 2 hr bath and if she can't she won't get in AT ALL.

I tell her that its OK for her to have feelings that she doesn't understand, because she is at that point in life. She will get annoyed, angry, or want to cry for no reason. She can talk to me or go lay in her room and scream into pillows.
No, instead she hits and pushed her little sisters each time she walks by them, as a way to vent her feelings.

THEN THEY FIGHT BACK....

8yr olds - at this point they know that there is no real reason why their sister is treating them like this, so they fight back.
This has now enraged the 11 yr old, she runs after them with fury, I can catch it, and tell her to stop NOW. Usually I catch it about .5 seconds too late. Now, the 8 yr olds attack with all their might. Who does she think she is??

Life is a constant battle for me. There are even days where I don't intervene. These girls are straight up malicious to each other sometimes, for no reason at all. In some cases, I would be pissed too. So how do you punish a situations, when you would be mad as well? A question I ask myself often.

There is a fine line between acting on the situation quickly, so the kids know who is in charge, and between just throwing out punishments and yelling for no real reason. I can't tell you the amount of times I have been in the middle of punishing someone, and I realize they really didn't deserve it that much, it was the other one. These are the times I just throw up my hands, and let them battle it out themselves. I can't try to help anymore, because they just argue that what i am saying is wrong or not fair.

There are many times I find myself upset and wondering if I am handling things OK. Are these girls going to get through this and love me in the end? or am I going to end up that mom who they feel never listened to them, and now it too late to build a bond with them.  Do they know how much I DO care? Will I have that awesome mother daughter relationship with them, or is it too late?

Being an only child did NOT prepare me for this.

I know, I can only do my best and hope for the best.  But man.......this sucks!