What do you do?

I'm in limbo with my morals and responsibilities. I don't know what to do or how to handle it.
I'm not liking my new job.

It may just be that I am used to big corporate ways. I have been programmed like a robot maybe? If so, its odd that it seems I like it that way.  Ive been trained that this is how you accept your work/orders, this ish ow you process it, this is how you close you it, this is how you notate things. No veering off track. If its not "your" job, don't do it.

Now I am at this smaller company, where there is no process. There are no rules in place of how things should be done. I am having to figure everything out as I go.
A coworker asked me the other day how I receive my orders. I said I don't...people just email me and tell me what to do. I've been given no real "process".

I was not told that this is how I will receive orders, this is what they will look like, this is what this means and we do things, and from this point on, its YOUR responsibility. the only thing that was fully handed over to me, is stuff that I have never done before. OK, its billing....I do billing for my home life, so I can figure it out. But that's not my background. I have never been in accounting.

I have offered suggestions on how to make things a little more streamline and offered to take things as my own, so others can take some pressure off themselves. I mean, isn't that why I was hired?

I am vaguely being taught how things are done and what the processes are. It's a very "wing it" environment. A lot of times, I feel as though I am simply just others personal secretaries.....someone to send emails for them. I copy and paste a lot.

 I don't feel as comfortable as I think I should. I often wonder why I was hired.

The drive home, although its not as bad as others have it, its very tedious and stressful to me. A lot of sitting and waiting in traffic. My car never gets above 25 mph.  By the time I get home, I want to do nothing, although there is tons that still need to be done, because I am not home all day anymore.

I often have off feelings in the beginning of jobs. But my last job, was exactly my field, doing what I knew, and I didn't need to be trained. So basically, I have been doing the same thing for all these years. I took this job with the hopes that I could learn different aspects of the business, but I am not learning anything behind the information I am pushing around. So I am trying to help keep things organized....which is not going well. Each time I try, I am basically told they don't want to do it that way.

My husband is in process of applying for disability. He's has to cut his working hours to 10 hrs a week. Mainly, its just to get him out of the house, I think. So all financials are on me. I can't just quit this job...we would be screwed.   And for now, I need to ensure I have a job where I can work from home as needed. And this job has that flexibility.

I guess only time will tell what happens. Maybe things will change at the job so I can shine. Or maybe another job will come along that will allow me to shine.

"Just keep swimminng...."